A little girl does not notice when she is being loved if that is all she has ever known. How can you distinguish the presence of something if you have never felt its absence? She will not consciously sense the comforting aura of belonging if she has never had to live without it. She will dream, create, laugh, cry, and live in her own authenticity until the day something happens to prevent those actions from being second nature.
Once a little girl experiences the absence of belonging, she begins to operate out of fear instead of love. The tireless energy her parents poured into building a foundation of worthiness and confidence gets flushed down the drain at the hand of another’s judgement. Funny how a snide whisper that slithers out of someone’s mouth or a critical glance shot in your direction can destroy self-worth faster than affirmations can build. A little girl will spend hours wondering where someone could source such toxicity.
You are not to blame, sweet girl, for the immune system does not know how to defend against foreign viruses.
The once clear skies become hidden with grey clouds and tears are shed from above the day a little girl becomes acquainted with the soul-robbing sensation of exclusion. The unjust thing about exclusion is the feeling insists on making a home in your once warm and safe heart. The hollow pit in your stomach tries to tell you that you aren’t good enough. Seeing them congregate as you watch from the sidelines unleashes a flood of sickening-blue loneliness through your veins.
What could I have done differently?
Who should I have tried to be?
Save your longing questions my sweet girl, for they cannot and should not be answered. You run in circles desperately trying to shove yourself in places you don’t fit and spend hours waiting in line to enter a person’s heart who will never allow your admittance. Step out of this cycle of exhaustion, for there is a path paved just for you.
Lay down your desire to be understood, it is weighing heavily on your soul. Shift your gaze from those who look down on you to focus on the genuine beings who lift you up. Shine to be warmed by your own sunlight. Laugh to sway along to your own melody. Cry to be nourished by your own tears.
My sweet girl, pleasing others isn’t a way to live. Soak in the warmth of belonging, love, and acceptance, even when others won’t offer it to you. All that matters is that you offer it to yourself.