Grandma

It’s been 2 years since you left. That’s how I feel, like you left us… but in reality you just moved on to the next stage of your existence, to a pure place of peace.

The thought of you being somewhere like that makes me calm, but I still can’t help the selfish part of me that misses your earthly presence. When I’d hug you, I would ignite my senses to their highest ability to capture the moment because I knew one day I’d have to live without your embrace. I’m happy I did, for I have been able to feel you in my dreams in what seems like the same way I did in real life. I wake up from those dreams sad because I’m reminded you’re not here, but that mournful longing is worth it because I get to remember what it was like to have you near me.

You’ve left a foundation for our family that can’t be compromised. For that I’m forever grateful. I was afraid with you gone, everything would crumble. For a little while it seemed that way. But now I see grieving doesn’t destroy a bond that has been so consistently cultivated. I am doing better now. I don’t find my worth in your presence anymore, which I think I did for a long time. You were on this earth, therefore I felt I had a place on this earth too. Now I realize I add value to the universe no matter who is here and who isn’t. Nonetheless, I loved you being here. You’re important to the way I love others and the way I love myself.

I miss you deeply. I think it is time to start trying to connect to you again. You may not be here physically, but you most certainly are not gone. It took me a long time to realize that. I love you and happy new year.

becca

6 thoughts on “Grandma

  1. Hey, Becca … talked to Zack this morning and he said he had a great time with you and your family in Rome. I hear you saw a lot and made pizza. I loved your blog about Grandma Becca. I don’t mind saying that it made me cry … but I have been kind of weepy this morning anyway. Welcome home! Love, Aunt Doris

    Liked by 1 person

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